DIY: Tesla Style
by Dubbers
Summary: Nikola has a plan. It involves paperclips, and mistletoe. What on earth is he up to?  Teslen.


**Merry Christmas! Here is a little Teslen offering to you all.**

**I blame the bunnies, and I own only the mistakes.**

DIY: Tesla Style

"Paperclips?" asked Will, completely baffled.

Nikola sighed. "Yes, paperclips!" He leant in conspiratorially. "Ingenious devices: little pieces of bent wire that are used to clip paper together; hence the name!"

"I know what paperclips are."

"Could have fooled me."

Will lifted his hands up in a placating gesture: as much as he often enjoyed the verbal sparring with Tesla, the Christmas season and Magnus' current absense had brought with it an overload of work for him; so he wasn't really in the mood to be arguing with the cranky ex-vampire. "What I mean is what do you want with paperclips, and how many do you need?"

"It's probably best you don't know, and how many do you have?"

Will raised an eyebrow. "Should I be concerned?"

"Not at all."

"Has Magnus approved this?"

"I need permission to get paperclips? Gosh. Shall I start asking before I use the facilities too?"

"That's not what I-"

"Relax: what harm can I possibly do with paperclips?"

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Oh come on!"

"Fine, if only so you'll stop bothering me."

"That's more like it. So...?"

"Magnus keeps a couple of boxes in the next room."

Nikola grinned and span around to go claim his prize.

"Don't make me regret this!"

"You won't!"

Will sat down at his desk and started filling out another form.

A few minutes later there was a loud crash, and a string of curses floated around the corner to young William's ears. He promptly sighed and shook his head in despair. It seemed that whenever Magnus was out, the whole world collapsed around him, and more often than not it had something to do with Nikola Tesla.

SANCTUARY

Kate stormed down the corridor, looking for their erstwhile vampire. There were only so many rooms he could possibly be in, and even less that he would consent to be in, but she'd still been hunting for him for the best part five minutes, and she was missing the Simpsons.

Finally she came to a room with a locked door, with a sign stuck to it covered in Nikola's elegant scrawl.

Do Not Disturb_  
(unless there's cake)_

_Knock knock!_

"Hey Magneto; there's a man at the door."

"Really? Have you had a sex change?"

Kate rolled her eyes as she rattled the doorknob. "Very funny. He's at the _front _door."

"Why should I care Miss Freelander?"

"He asked for you by name."

Nikola pricked up his ears. "Oh really?"

"Yes really."

"What does he want?"

"To deliver something you apparently ordered."

"Excellent! Tell him I'll be there in minute!"

"Tell him yourself!" Kate glared through the door before stomping off.

Nikola frowned and called after her. "Somebody's in a mood! That time of the month is it?"

He received a parcel of gift wrapped swear-words in return.

Nikola tutted and shook his head. "Youth these days: what is the world coming to?"

He waited a few minutes – until Kate's angry footsteps had faded away – before getting up from his chair and unlocking the door. Peeking out, he made sure that the coast was clear and then slipped out from his own little sanctuary, keeping his footsteps light whilst making his way to the front door. He hoped that it was what he was expecting, and that most of all they'd got his order right – the man on the phone had sounded rather confused, he kept asking him if he was sure he wanted kilograms and not grams: Nikola had corrected him several times.

He opened the door to find a portly man dressed entirely in green, standing by a truck he'd apparently been allowed to bring up to the doorway.

"You Mister Tassel?"

"Tesla." Nikola frowned.

"Whatever. You order the sprigs?"

"Yes..."

"That's an awful lot in there." The man thumbed the back of the truck. "You sure you didn't mean grams?"

Nikola groaned. "Positive."

The other man shrugged and produced a clipboard. "Sign here please."

Nikola scrawled something that might have been his name on the sheet of paper and handed it back. As soon as he did so more men in green piled out of the back of the truck, their arms laden with the festive plant.

"I'll show you the way then shall I?" Nikola put on a fake smile as the men grumbled about something or other, but he couldn't quite contain a wince as their dirty footwear came into contact with the inside flooring.

If they scuffed it, Helen was going to kill him.

SANCTUARY

"The boss is not going to be happy about this you know." Will called up to Nikola. The genius looked up from his ladder where he was making the final adjustments – tweaking a few leaves – and glared.

"Bite me."

Will rolled his eyes and continued to watch as Tesla admired his handiwork. "No thanks; I don't think you'd taste very nice."

The Big Guy chuckled from the corner where he was brandishing his duster at a couple of unlucky spiders.

The Serbian growled, which Will still found scary. "What happened to all that paperwork you had to do?"

"I did it. Turns out, if you actually sit down and do something, it gets done!"

"Well imagine that."

"You should try it sometime."

"I have worked more hours in my life than you have _lived_."

"Really: I haven't seen you sign a single form since you've been here."

"Paperwork is boring. Besides, your boss is constantly demanding the impossible from me; it's hardly my fault I don't get the time to fill out your precious forms, is it?"

Will sighed as Bigfoot wandered over and started dusting near his feet. "What about all that time you spend in Magnus' wine cellar?"

"Time well spent."

"But now you can't drink too much."

Nikola stiffened slightly. "I simply pace myself. You know that's a very dangerous position you're in there, young William."

Will furrowed his brow, and then looked around. The Big Guy was stood a few steps away, duster by his side and eyes on the ceiling. Will followed his gaze, for the first time realising the extent of Nikola's work. He looked down again to see the Big Guy smiling in his direction.

Will gulped, and fled, but not quite fast enough to escape the sounds of laughter now echoing around the big room.

SANCTUARY

"Nikola, what was so urgent that it couldn't possibly wait until I'd got changed?" Helen stuck her head around the door of an old dining room, currently disused, to see Mr. Tesla standing proudly in the centre, one hand behind his back, the other poised on his waist. She'd just got back from a week-long trip of trekking through the Amazon Rainforest searching for a rare abnormal, and was in need of a long warm bath and a change of clothes.

"You looked changed to me. Was your wild goose chase successful?"

"Very, but they were Swan-lizards Nikola, not geese."

"Shame; you could have stuffed one for dinner."

"What do you want?" Helen, realising this might be a while, walked into the room itself. She looked around and frowned: there was significantly less dust than she remembered. "Have you _cleaned_?"

Nikola grimaced. "The dust was quite frankly a nightmare Helen; you should be ashamed. But no, your big hairy friend saw the place and had a fit."

Helen smiled at that: she usually kept this room locked, and so the Big Guy hadn't been at it with the dusters for a while. Thinking about it, Helen couldn't remember unlocking the room...

"Nikola..."

"Oh yes, you might need a new lock." At Helen's outraged look he sighed. "Honestly my dear, that one was child's play to break, so it was for your own good."

"My own good was it?"

"Why yes indeed. Think of it this way, if I hadn't shown you the hopeless security of this room you might not have found out until someone tried to rob you!"

"Nikola, there's hardly anything to steal in here!"

"Well, there _wasn't_."

Helen furrowed her brow. "What _do_ you mean?"

"_I'm_ in this room now, and I assure you I am _very_ valuable."

She felt the corners of her lips start to rise up. "And why would anyone want to steal you?"

"Some people just can't resist my handsome good looks and irresistible charm." Helen snorted. "And also, I have _this._"

With a flourish he brought his hand from behind his back, presenting a small, blue velvet box. It looked very much like something Helen wasn't even going to consider.

"Nikola..."

The man in question bowed deeply and held out the box in her direction. When Helen moved only her eyebrow he put his arm down and frowned at her.

"Well don't you want your gift?"

"My gift?"

"Yes...I believe that's what people do at this time of year. Now do you want it or not?" When she still didn't move he sighed, walked halfway across the room and chucked it to her. Helen fumbled, but caught it. She looked over it more carefully, and saw that it did indeed seem to be a jewellery box; just like the kind in which you usually kept a r-

"Oh come on Helen, open it!"

"What is it?" she asked warily as Nikola took a step forward.

"I'm not asking you to marry me if that's what you're thinking. I still have to ask you out, kiss you again and hopefully get you into be-"

"Nikola!"

The man her outraged comment was directed at didn't seem particularly bothered as a rather large smirk settled on his lips. "It won't explode either. Just open it Helen..._please?_"

Helen could actually count the number of times Nikola Tesla had said please, and whenever he did she always found it near impossible to resist him. She tried not to think about that too deeply, and also tried not to remember what usually happened after she'd caved; namely doom and destruction. She hoped this time would be different.

Helen sighed, and opened the box.

She frowned.

Lying innocently in the box was a small piece of folded paper. Even more warily now, Helen carefully removed the item and slowly unfolded it. Gradually pen marks came into view as she revealed the next layer – the paper had been folded an awful many times – and after a few more seconds she recognised the handwriting to be Nikola's. One more fold and...

_Look up._

Helen did as asked, and gasped. "Nikola!"

"What? Do you think it's too much?"

She stiffened as she felt his breath tickle her throat - he'd somehow snuck up on her in the last few seconds - as she continued to gaze at the ceiling, or more accurately what was on the ceiling.

"Too much? Nikola; you've plastered the roof with mistletoe!" She finally looked down to see his very happy looking face about a foot from her own.

"Yes, rather ingenious if I do say so myself."

"How on earth did you manage it?"

Nikola rolled his eyes. "Honestly Helen, I do something amazing and all you care about is how I did it! Appreciate the beauty and magic of the moment!"

"I'm a scientist."

"So am I, but at least I know how to have fun. Now, I do believe you owe me a kiss...or several."

Helen fought to keep the blush off her face, but from Nikola's expression she didn't think she was very successful. "Don't be ridiculous."

The ex-vampire pouted. "You can't say no; it's tradition."

Helen started backing away, making sure she was heading for the door as he started stepping closer.

"Come now Helen, I always thought you were a traditionalist."

"This isn't tradition; this is trickery."

"What's the difference?"

"How long have you been planning this?"

"It just sort of...came to me after I witnessed an encounter between two other poor souls. I did put rather a lot of effort in though. You're always telling me I should work hard to achieve my goals, and now I have."

The door was now within sprinting distance: Helen got ready to run.

"So...what do you think?"

Helen turned and fled, but just as she reached the door it slammed shut in her face. She gasped and spun around to see Nikola with one hand raised.

"You might want to get plastic doorknobs if you plan on keeping me around." He stepped closer again, until he was within touching distance, and braced one arm against the door.

"Let me out, this instant!" Helen realised, belatedly, that she was trapped. Her back met wood.

"What's so bad about one kiss?"

"That's not the point!"

"So you don't object to kissing me?"

Helen spluttered. Nikola smirked, and leaned forward as tried to back further into the door.

"There's nowhere to run." He took another step forward, and raised his other hand, cupping her cheek gently.

Helen couldn't resist the shiver which ran down her spine at his touch, causing a gentle smile to break over his face.

Nikola lowered his voice to a whisper, and steadily moved his lips closer to her own, maintaining eye contact the entire time. Helen was fairly sure her heart had stopped; her breathing certainly had.

"So if it's not the kissing you object to..."

Nikola stopped moving forwards, just as he was starting to go cross-eyed, his lips about a centimetre from Helen's own.

"...what's the problem?"

Helen gulped, and took a deep breath in, suddenly regaining control of her body.

"Your methods." She whispered back.

Nikola blinked. "Wha-"

He never got to finish his sentence, as suddenly Helen's arm was around his neck, and his lips were otherwise occupied.

A minute later he pulled back for air, and slowly regained awareness. His eyes widened as he came to grips what had just happened.

"My methods?"

Helen smiled. "Next time, just ask."

Nikola smiled back. "In that case, may I?"

He didn't wait for an answer before capturing her lips once more.

Suddenly Helen pushed him away, her face confused. Before Nikola could ask what was going on she reached up, and plucked a piece of mistletoe from her hair. She examined it closely before looking up at him, her face the picture of bemusement.

"Paperclips?" She carefully removed the little piece of wire that was threaded through the leaf, and looked at him for an explanation.

Nikola smirked. "You didn't really think I spent the time hanging them up did you?"

"Well, I thought you might have broken the habit of several lifetimes and taken up DIY." Another piece of mistletoe floated down to land on Nikola's shoulder.

"Dear me no."

"So...let me get this straight: you meticulously attached hundreds of pieces of mistletoe to paperclips-"

"I had Henry do most of it."

"-and then-"

"-using my new powers floated them up to the ceiling and arranged them to perfection!"

Helen furrowed her brow. "How did you keep them there?"

"That's where the genius comes in: I did it all..." Nikola waved a hand and the paperclip on his shoulder shot across the room, dragging its leaves and berries with it. "...with the power of my mind!"

"So why are they coming down now?"

Nikola leaned in, moving his lips to her ear. "The problem with using my mind for such things, is that I am required to be completely focused in order to...keep them up." He reached up and snagged another sprig as it descended, and then held it aloft above them. "Suffice to say, I am currently rather..._distracted_..." He looked significantly at her lips, which Helen bit in an attempt to contain another blush. "What say you to one last-mmpph!"

Nikola was fairly sure that cutting off a man whilst he was talking – not once, but twice – was normally considered rude; but this time, he wouldn't complain.

~fin

**I hope you liked it; I love to know what you thought - concrit is welcome.**


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